DMX at Skybar in Columbus

World famous rapstar DMX (who isn’t as successful as he used to be) performed at a night club that typically caters towards Jocks.

After the break, I summarize the evening with the dog.

Skybar in Columbus is a nightclub for the future leaders of America. BW3’s may have 1 zillion sauce options but they can’t fulfill all needs. Columbus used to have problems with football riots because there wasn’t a nightclub big enough playing loud rap music. So people would have 10,000 keggers with 50,000 people lining the frat row. The cops would show up and tell free men and future property owners they aren’t allowed to stand where they want. The men would cull their memory for the the right protest song and NWA’s “Fuck the Police” would come to mind. Then they would throw bottles, set trash cans on fire and topple automobiles like some nutjub environmentalists.

So the do-gooders at Campus Partners built Skybar. A place where jocks could hear the latest in R+B and Rap, meet women, and the current landowners could turn a profit which benefits the community by creating jobs and promoting interracial sex. They say when we are only one color the only people to hate will be the poor.

To be real, “Bitch I am broke” is my favorite song on the “Ayres and Titties” mix cd, and I grew up skateboarding and vandalizing property. So I never could really fit in with jocks. I was down for their complete lack of shame, and desire to enjoy life. My problem with jocks is that aside from when they are drunk and yelling at the police, they tend to not talk about very interesting things. I also tend to hate skaters, punk rockers, and BMXers that act like jocks. But like any real man will tell you, Talk is Cheap.

I also never liked DMX. Dood is cheesy as fuck. I liked “Get At Me Dog” when I first heard it because I heard it on the Stretch Armstrong Show, and it was some sort of diss to K-Solo, who I never forgave for selling albums where the highlights were spelling bees. But if you look at like early 90’s time period in underground NYC rap that gave us the stars of the late 90’s who won’t give up so Lil Wayne can get his due then X is historical.

I mean his peers are people like Cam’ron, Jay-Z, Ja-Rule etc.

So given my secret admiration for the simplistic efficient lifestyle of jocks, and also my duty as Hip Hop culture historian, I said yes when my friend called me and offered me a free ticket to the most famous performer of the week.

Skybar is decorated like a mixture of a Geisha House and a sports bar. It’s really big. I wouldn’t say it is as big as a Meijers, but it may be as big as a Wild Oats. Place was packed. Tickets were 25 dollars so that made me happy…. that means people were getting money and DMX was prolly gonna go over to 4th and 8th and put some money back in the community.

Clubs are great on Hip Hop night because they only play good music. The DJ spun R+B classics from Soul For Real to Usher. And they also brought us the finest in indie label music like DJ Khaleed and Jim Jones. The crowd was really diverse, maybe 60 percent black and 40 percent white. So the local wannabe bike messengers should give the Skybar a plaque and maybe take lessons.

A really crappy rock band opened. Doods had huge Afro’s and performed the worst sounding nu-metal. They had a white bass player that wore a 3rd Bass shirt. I am prolly the only person in the room that didn’t think he wasn’t promoting finger banging. The nu-metal band’s singer tried to win the crowd over by talking like DMX a lot. It just made the crowd yell DMX at them. And bark.

FInally they brought the DOG out. At first his mic was kinda shitty. But it was all good cause behind the speaker he had a skinny white, or Rican or light skin black dood who had his voice down pat backing him up. X rocked “Who We Be”, “Where The Hood At?”,”Get at Me Dog” and “Ruff Riders” anthem. He did a few sad songs in during which he appeared that he may cry. The crowd was rabid and knew every word. Even though DMX is a corn ball it was hard to not find the sincerity of his emotions endearing especially because they resonated with a large section of the American Population. DMX used to be a huge star. In many ways he was considered the new Pac during the late 90’s.

Between songs he would yell “Flesh of My Flesh” and the crowd would respond with “Blood of My Blood”. From a Wikipedia search I found out that was a album DMX put out.

Anyway, someone started to make it rain money. I got three dollars. My homeboy Kese got 90 bucks. Technically we should’ve been beaten for being broke enough to pick up money, but the universal brotherhood inspired by DMX suspended that consequence.

There were only a few acts of violence and they were all my friend’s fault. One of my friends punched some guy in a Rough RIders bikers’ gang vest for making fun of his shirt and my friend Katie kept shoving men into each other that would stand too close to her in hopes they would break out in a scuffle for violating her personal space. I mean doods were lightweight unpleasant, but even they would lose their creepy attention span when realizing DMX was stage again. Which is good cause it was just Katie and I towards the front, so I would’ve had to fight the crowds of guys. I would imagine my friends being violent was prolly a product of not actually being DMX fans. DMX fans were too happy to be antisocial.

All in all, the show experience was enjoyable.

  • Chris

    ROFL at DMX going to 4th and 8th and putting money back in the community!

  • Classic review. Very humorous.