2009 Marcon Convention

On May 24th at 4am CJ Townsend and I were so bored that we attended afterparties for the Marcon convention at 4am. I am actually not sure what exactly Marcon is. But I think its a gathering of  swingers that are also into Star Trek, World of Warcraft and Anime from all over the nation. It was a funny way to kill 90 minutes before they kicked me out.

Columbus skaterboarder/dejay socialite, CJ Townsend and I ran into each at Moral Tales at the Summit. Some weird girl had pulled me in the bathroom and tried to make out with me. It was funny at first but then became really annoying.  I told her that currently she is annoying me but if she contacted me in about two hours it would be 5 am, and I would perhaps be bored enough to make out with her if I wasn’t asleep and had absolutely nothing better to do.

So I asked CJ if he wanted to hit up the Shelf/Skylab party for Bobby Silver, Nate Ober and someone else so that I could get the fuck away from said girl.(no offense  but like Jeezy said, ‘I don’t know you”.)

By the time we got there it was winding down cause it was like 3:00 am or so . We hung out on the roof with Ron from Carabar, Envelope  and Derik Yelloweyes . 

I got a text from Danielle Kline saying we are missing out on Marcon Parties at the Hyatt.

Normally I feel like to go to something like Marcon to make fun of people shows how boring and lame your life is. I mean, if you have nothing better to do than laugh at nerds having fun then, what does that say about your life?

But guess what, I had nothing better to do. So I guess I am that bad off.

We got to the Hotel . I texted Danielle she brought an entourage of larpers that were willing to be guides for us non-wizards.

Upon entering the hotel, we saw an assortment of really funny looking people.

 

Make note of the man dressed like a prostitute in the Pirates of the Carrebean.

After roaming around for awhile and enjoying the beautiful people, we found a hotel party.

Everything was a lot more sexual and wild that I expected. People were taking their clothes off and randomly making out with each other.

CJ was quick to make friends while laughing at people.

Some rousing karoake set-off.

 

CJ found a watergun and began shooting people with it. He would then tap me and point out that he just shot “nerds” wit a watergun.

 Somehow the party Live action role players were unable to deduce who was shooting them with a water gun. Karoake continued.

I felt bad that they were getting shot with a watergun because of how strange they appear. So I tried to make friends with them by joining in with the Karoake. I sat down next to the man that looking a whore for pirates and tried to sing along.

At this point Supergroover and Gnome enter the room, and announced that their was a furry party going on elsewhere.

The man dressed like a  pirate prostitute did not want to be my friend. After CJ completed giving play by play on his phone we elected to leave with Supergroover and Gnome in pursuit of the furry party.

We stopped on every floor from like the 6th to 20th. Supergroover, Gnome and some other dood would get out an make this weird growl to try to get a response from the furries. I guest most furries aren’t social so most of the communication is non-verbal.

Supergroover, Gnome, and the other guy were all like 7 feet tall, 400 pounds and gay. Every now and then they would imply they would settle for a gay party, and say something creepy.

We would ignore them. CJ began to shoot them with his waterfun. CJ also inquired if he could deejay Marcon next year. He claimed to have a large selection of the non-existent “fantasy trance” genre..

(someone needs start making fantasty trance)

After giving up on the furry party we decided to go to this cafeteria area for refreshments.

I walked in the caferteria drinking and beer. I ate some chips. A couple Larpers asked me where my bagde was, and told me this was a private convention.

I would just ignore them and walk over to another chip bowl.

I eventually was surrounded by angry Larpers who told me I had to leave because I was violating their space.

I tried to tell them I was very important guest of the Hyatt. CJ claimed to be a famous dejay, and that I was his manager.

The nerds didn’t buy it. They kept telling me that they were going to call securty. I told them security would just escort me out so it didn’t really matter.

The nerds couldn’t comprehend the idea of someone who wasn’t afraid getting told on. So I would look away for two minutes while they starred at me.

The I would look up and say “hey, what are you looking at?”. They would reply “you aren’t supposed to be here”. They would tell me they were calling security.

I would respond, “oh yeah, I forgot”. Eventually I felt bad that the larpers that had taken us around might be ostracized from the their herd because of my behaviour.

So I went and hid in the bathroom with the intention of returning in an hour after security left, and my allies were gone.

TO make the close-minded normal hating nerds angry but no to violate my new friends.

After hiding in the bathroom I got board. SO I found CJ and we left.

All in all, most larpers just want to get laid and have fun. And ones that don’t hang out next to the concession stands

Good thing I left though  because these guys could’ve shown up, and I would’ve been on the recieving end of the Marcon hammer of justice.

 

photos by dkline

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  • http://614columbus.com/ Wayne T Lewis

    “I walked in the caferteria drinking and beer. I ate some chips.” Jesus, you write like you’re in the third grade. This article was so boring my kidneys just shut down.

  • Robert Duffy

    seriously, wes, there are tears in my eyes. so great. real life LOL

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  • wes flexner

    mr. lewis,
    i write like a dyslexic third grader.
    i agree.
    but unfortuantley my content has a lot of humor engrained.

    wes

  • http://614columbus.com/ Wayne T Lewis

    Engrained more like Grains of Sand in My Fucking Dickhole. How about next time you want to “engrain” humor you put in some jokes or something funny. And I’ll have you know that my grandmother is a dyslexic third grader, and I find nothing funny about learning disabilities. You fucking retard.

  • http://614columbus.com/ Wayne T Lewis

    Wait how do I edit my last post I didn’t mean to say the retard bit

    thanks

  • wes flexner

    614 Magazine makes my posts look like the Economist.

  • wes flexner

    I meant my posts make 614 Magazine look like the Economist
    My dyslexic third grader tendencies kicked in again.
    My bad.

  • http://614columbus.com/ Wayne T Lewis

    I think you had it right the first time, but I’m pretty drunk. Have you read 614 magazine yet? It’s free and there is going to be a ten-page spread about LARP in the next issue. Please read 614 Magazine!

  • wes flexner

    this isn’t the dood from 614 magazine..
    dood would’nt known my little brother has down syndrome.
    its someone trying to play an internet game.

  • http://614columbus.com/ Wayne T Lewis

    I will have you know, sir, that 614 Magazine is an entirely serious venture. My postings here are entirely unofficial and removed from the operations of The Premier Magazine for Young Professionals in the City of Columbus Ohio. The magazine may be found in many popular restaurants and City hotspots, and we are having a Restaurant Week soon that will have restaurants and food for readers of 614 Magazine “The Magazine That Knows What’s Hip!”

    In conclusion this article is totally lame because many LARPers are actually Young Professionals who like to hit “the scene” after LARPing perhaps enjoying a cold martini or a Harvey Wallbanger. Thank you.

  • wes flexner

    Only Milkbar and 3cb understand YP’s and what they want.
    Really everyone should consult with my group of friends because we have been the most successful as getting the YP dollar for about 5 years straight now.

  • http://armyoflarry.com slowmoriot

    Nerds are kinky when you find the right ones.

  • bumbico

    I used to work at the little convenient store outside the of the main restaurant in the Hyatt and Marcon was definitely something else. We would get a large special order of Jolt Cola and I was once invited to a “slave auction” party in one of the rooms. Always regretted not going…

  • http://thegrip.wordpress.com The Grip

    So mad I missed out on this…

  • http://martinthings.com weed$teeler

    “I walked in the caferteria drinking and beer. I ate some chips.”

    i loved this sentence!

    umm have you seen CMH magazine yet?
    how many shit magazines can be produced about columbus?
    all i want at this point are good dimensions and a nice paper stock.
    lets start there and then we can work on content and design……………
    christ.

    call me the columbus tylers brule….
    ……they got that from london, they got that from me.

    • Wes Flexner

      Thats what cracks me up..
      Why don’t any of these YP publications fuck with actual designers?

  • SVH

    sure, get us all excited about the furry party, then nothing…

    • wes flexner

      vaild criticism

  • Waylon Inman

    614 mag seriously has the most god awful covers. Bitches ain’t even photoshopped to look good. You see ‘em there in their stunning mediocrity. YP copping that? Yeah, fucking right. Your “magazine” looks worse than the average middle school yearbook and the kids that put that together aren’t even professionals.

    • Marcel

      Hey, leave the ladies out it.
      They are pretty and well-intentioned.

  • http://martinthings.com weed$teeler

    yeah they really do look worse than highschool yearbooks……

    they are sad representations of our city.

    m.

    ps. my consultation rates are more than reasonable. contact me for more info.

  • mike carney

    next time someone wants to start a shitty local MAGAZINE in columbus, they should have it be a sci-fi magazine about columbus. (note:not COLUMBUS SCI-FI) you could call it “COLUMBUS DYSTOPIA MONTHLY” and it could be CREATIVE writting about columbus ohio post-NUKEWARZ. Seriously your free magazine with interviews with zach starkey is not gonna get any YUPs money. If you want to steal money from YUPS make a better version of the Wii Fit, or sell EDGY throw pillows. chances are they didn’t become a YUP from reading corny low-rent magazines. at worst they read maxim (i guess this counts as a SHITTY magazine, but probably not LOW-RENT), at best the read wire (or vice-versa) who knows.

  • http://martinthings.com weed$teeler

    a magazine should be aspirational…

    carney i love that idea!

    lazer can be the editor and cheif.

  • http://martinthings.com weed$teeler

    by the way…..the more girls at marcon than scribble tag is brill!!!!!!!

    m.

  • wes flexner

    i still don’t think this is really the dood who runs 614 magazine.

    but the point about yp’s and what they want to read is valid.

  • tom

    Amazing.

  • Evil D

    Just to explain about the trying-to-throw-you-out thing:

    People participating in the convention are bound by the rules to get security if they see people wandering around who don’t have con badges. Joshie and Big Gay Dan really were sticking their necks out, which is cool of them. I hope you didn’t take it too personally when the other folks who didn’t know you asked you to leave, they have to.

    On the bright side, if you want to come back in the future, there are lots more parties, including some pretty big ones, both Friday and Saturday nights that usually close around 2. And anyone can get a badge no problem if you can swing by during the daytime to pick one up. They’re relatively inexpensive when you consider all the free food/booze/entertainment/female companionship that comes with them. Plus there’s ways to get one for free if you’re feeling like getting more involved.

    If CJ is really interested in DJing some of the parties at Marcon in the future, I know quite a few fangroups who host big suite parties and might hire him if he has a PA. I’ve been spinning at Marcon parties for a few years now and it’s a great place to play. Though I do have to stick to genres that currently exist in real life lol. Probably the only thing at that whole convention that requires a connection to the real world.

    • wes flexner

      Evil D,
      Thanks for your insight. I am pretty sure CJ was serious about wanting to DJ. I know that he is reading this post, so hopefully this comes to fruition.

      Wes

  • greenspin
    • wes flexner

      oh shit.
      hey tony and i need to holler at you soon.
      are you still in Columbus?

      • greenspin

        yessir… let me holler at y’all as soon as i get this osu monkey off my back… less than 2 weeks to go, baby!

  • Weird Girl

    I followed your myspace bulletin link here, and I’m really mad you made fun of me. As I recall, you did not tell me I was annoying or tell me to “contact” you later. What happened was someone walked in on us making out in the bathroom, so we ran out. Then you tried to give me your phone number but I wouldn’t take it because you didn’t want to fuck me right then. I realize that’s probably a weird thing to say.. but I had too much tequila. Did you write this when you were drunk? Go eat worms.

    • wes flexner

      apologies for however you feel missrepresented.

      • Weird Girl

        Fake apologies are lame.

      • Weird Girl

        It bothers me that you made fun of me (thanks for not using my name!) but you keep spelling everything wrong, and you’re a writer? That’s why I asked if you were drunk when you posted this.

        Give me a real apology and I won’t make it awkward as shit for you the next time I see you out. ;)

  • kanai_getuh_sipodat

    great review. REALLY interesting. especially when you passed up hot ass in the bathroom @ summit at the beginning of the review (which was completely unrelated to the rest of the review in the first place). what are you, gay? i mean, i’m not homophobic, i just think a person in your position who likely doesn’t get hardly any trim as it is shouldn’t be BRAGGING about how they didn’t get laid. A+, jackass. way to go!

    • wes flexner

      you worry about me a lot.

      don’t worry. i am good.

      • kanai_getuh_sipodat

        if by “good” you mean “a 32-year-old towny hipster wanna-be with the vocabular of an infant” than yeah… you’re good.

        • kanai_getuh_sipodat

          woops. vocabulary

          • wes flexner

            Thanks for your concern about my dick and how i use it!!

  • kanai_getuh_sipodat

    PS- try using spell check in the future. it’ll do you good.

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  • http://www.worldofwarcraftbot.com German Reuber

    Thank you for this post, I’ve learned a lot more now about wow! Your e-book was an huge aid. I wonder you will show more of your guides!.

  • Evil D

    CJ- send me some contact info if you still want to DJ at Marcon. I think there’s an opening Friday night. Or give your info at the RJ show on Friday. (I was the big hairy shirtless dude in the pics)

  • CJ

    Evil D…. email me. CJTownsend88@gmail.com , I wont be at the RJ show unfourtunatley. or Leave a contact

  • http://www.hyperpigmentationtreatment.info Callum Harris

    dyslexia is not that debiliating but it is somewhat limiting to the kind of job that you can get”:’