The Intelligence Tour Journal: Columbus Edition

Pictured :Errand Boy’s guest room

The Intelligence played Cafe Bourbon Street with The Guinea Worms not too long ago and are documenting their journey for The Stranger. Basically it’s just dude talking sh!t about people that were nice enough to put them up. Here’s what they had to say about our fine burg-

If you are looking for skuzzy rock and roll underbellies, this is your spot, folks. But I like Columbus. I think. Cafe Bourbon St. always treats us well, and we get to have dinner with Eric’s parents at a brewery downtown called Pardon My Reach, or maybe that’s all I can remember after the waiter said it to the point of Chinese water torture. His parents are cool and fun, and in an effort to relive their fears after seeing the club we were playing tonight, I tell them we’re playing a festival with Weird Al Yankovic in a couple weeks (TRUE), and it seems to help. The Soft Pack and Kurt Vile are playing tonight too, and we run over and catch three great Soft Pack songs. Wish we could stay, but you can’t beat the Free Hot Dogs Clause at Bourbon St. I dig the first band and tell them so, and they respond with “Even though our drummer has a beard?!” I can only think to tell them “It’s better than dreadlocks?” A nice friend of ours offers to put us up. We stayed there last year, and it was pretty raunchy (a deep green, spore-covered coffee pot immediately comes to mind), but we don’t have any other offers. He has to “run an errand,” and asks to meet at a party down the street.

The party is a pretty sad sight—a deep, dark, cocaine den of inequity, and the jaw-grinding and chattering and eyeballs poppin’ out is pretty grim. But it’s also pretty impressive for a Tuesday. Errand Boy wants to stay, and graciously gives us his keys and we split. Unfortunately, the squalor of his place has evolved into true hoarder-style horror. The guest room door is hard to push open, and is filled with old rotten half-full beer cans, dirty take-out containers and mold-filled margarita glasses. We flip a coin to either kill ourselves or get a hotel and the hotel wins out. When we leave, I look back to see a cat in the window, and the moonlight reflects off its single tear

Make sure to read the Cleveland entry in order to understand just how appreciative these guys are when you let them stay at your place.

  • Curtis

    To this day, I can hardly believe that I accidently moved away from all this..