Related: Tommy Lee sat out Friday night’s Crue show in Cincinnati due to a hand injury.

What sounded like a good idea a few months ago didn’t sound like the best idea in the world when it came down to actually attending Rock on the Range this past weekend. I sucked it up and powered through it though and it was one of the biggest wastes of time, money and energy that I have experienced thus far in my 31 years on our mother earth. It reminded me of going to Warped tour and Ozzfest only I’m not so young and not so dumb, so i knew better than to enjoy it.

Pictured: Dude@ROTR

Fuuuuuuuuuuck…Duffy was kind enough to drop me off on both days so I dodged the $15 parking….As I approached Crew stadium, there were your typical scalpers and I heard one dude ask another, “you buying or selling?” other dude was like “no man, I got thrown out for fighting”. Bear in mind this was around 2:00 p.m. on day one. Oh man.

I got in to discover $8 16 oz. Budweisers and $6 burgers. Needless to say, I spent entirely too much money over the course of the weekend-Duffy, I will be turning in my expense report tomorrow.

Loaded@ROTR

After beering up, I made my way over to the second stage to check out Duff McKagan’s Loaded. There was a fairly decent turn out, I mean this was Rock on the Range and Duff McKagan of Guns and Roses was playing, so who in their right mind wouldn’t anticipate at least one G’n R song? Low and behold, they closed out the set with “It’s So Easy”…Good way to start the weekend.

Pictured: Static X crowd

I meandered over to the other side stage, the Jagermeister stage, to see if Static X were worth a fuck-SURPRISE-they weren’t. The crowd was thick for them and it wasn’t an awful set, though not my bag. (full disclosure, I do dig the song Cold and they ended with it so, cool I guess)

Pictured: Static X@ROTR

It started to rain just as Static X finished and I managed to stay dry until it passed.

After Static X, it was time to brave the main stage crowd to watch Korn, one of the few bands I had any interest in checking out. The main stage sound left something to be desired all weekend long and Korn managed to beat the wind which all but destoyed the sound for the remainder of the weekend. Korn didn’t totally tear it up, but they did sound good for a bunch of old dudes doing the same thing that they have been doing for however many years that they have been doing it. The crowd loved them(go figure) and Jonathan Davis was wearing a kilt and still has that Geiger mic stand. Bottom line, could have been way better, could have been way worse and they were the best sounding main stage act I saw/heard all weekend.

This really was a dull show and nothing worth writing about really happened-it seemed as though all the action was on the field, which I, for better or worse didn’t have access to. For real though, crew stadium was severely lacking aesthetically pleasing people. Basically, it was band dudes, their stripper girlfriends and a bunch of white trash. Not that white trash can’t be aesthetically pleasing, they just weren’t in attendance here.

I knocked around the second stage for a bit until it was time to check out Alice in Chains…there was a Harley Davidson tent that had 20 oz. beers for $8 and the cutest girls in the whole facility. Also, comfy leather couches and shelter.

Alice in Chains, oh man, Layne Staley is rolling over in his grave….they played one of the most uninspired sets I have ever seen and they are apparently fronted by Lenny Kravitz or something now. It might as well been a cover band for fuck’s sake. Good lord I hope they don’t decide to release a new record.

SLIPKNOT SLIPKNOT SLIPKNOT they were the band that I was the most stoked to see and what a disappointment it was. I’m sure it was cool as fuck down front and one thing that it was in the bleachers, was cold as fuck-seriously it felt like an October evening, the wind was fucking up the sound every which way and I was losing patience fasssst. I left before they finished and as Chip mentioned, the main stage sound really was better on the outside heading home.

Pictured: ROTR crowd

SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY HAHAHA

I really wasn’t looking forward to another round especially another day chilling by myself. I mean, I’m not a shy dude and I can usually strike up a conversation about just about anything anywhere…I can’t say that I was really inclined to do so and if you ask me that is a testament to the suck that was Rock on the Range.

Pictured: Clutch@ROTR

Clutch were the saving grace of the weekend. The fact that so many people were in attendance for what amounts to total mediocrity was making me lose more faith in humanity that I already have. I mean people have really shitty taste in music…Clutch made me reconsider…they PACKED the Jager stage and motherfuckers were there to see Clutch. I don’t think that they were slummin, nor do I think “they got robbed playing the side stage”. They came to fuck shit up and fuck shit up they did. Neil Fallon is the man and we were all attending the church of Clutch. I think Neil summed up the weekend when he said “It’s like a Dead concert”

Fuck crowd surfing and fuck crowd surfers-motherfuckers were acting like it was theit first concert, I saw the same dude go over the barrier at least five times. Fuck that dude.

Best set of the weekend, hands down and it was reassuring that not everyone there has horrid taste.

Pictured: Clutch crowd

I finally ended up with some company, none other than Donewaiting staff member Chip Midnight, who managed to tell the family that he was going out for smokes or something. It was good to finally see a familiar face. (there was one other familiar face on Saturday). He beered up an we went to watch The Used on the second stage. These dudes are pretty hit or miss from what I gathered watching youtubes and on Sunday, they were on…The crowd was loving it and I wasn’t totally hating it. Enjoyable set at the very least.

Pictured: The Used@ROTR

We went to watch Avenged Sevenfold and Motley Crue close out the weekend at the main stage. Basically Avenged Sevenfold suck and I hear they are republicans and they front on partiying-fuck this band-Bat Country is a rad track, but other that that, fuck this band. Sound was shit and I’m not blaming the wind.

I can’t say much more about Crue, Chip pretty much covered it-unnecessary intros and outros, backing vocal tracks blah blah blah…when Vince Neil was singing “Shout at the Devil”, he was only able to muster “shout at devil” because he was so inebriated. Tommy Lee bro’ed down with the crowd and passed a bottle of Jager into the crowd-old boy is lucky he didn’t catch that bottle to the face-motherfuckers were throwing shit all day.

Once again it was cold as fuck and I even layered up for day two. We left before Crue finished because I was worked over and The Crue are well past their prime.

Oh man me and my ideas.

NEVER AGAIN. I MEAN IT WAS LIKE THE HOT TOPIC BARGAIN BIN VOMITED ALL OVER CREW STADIUM.

Duffy give me a Macbook.

MORE DONEWAITING COVERAGE: Chip Midnight reviews Motley Crue

At this late hour, the tailgating was non-existent. I did spot a few empty beer cans and bottles on my walk to the front gates but only passed a handful of people, most walking back to their cars, apparently done with the festivities.

Met up with Kirk shortly after entering the front gates and the first thing I noticed was how long the lines were for the ATM machines. “$8 a beer! I had to use the ATM machine yesterday after dropping about $100 between food and drinks,” Kirk told me, explaining why the ATM machines were more popular than the t-shirt booths and beer lines.

We made our way over to the second stage to check out The Used. I don’t really know much about them other than their initial claim to fame came when the lead singer dated Kelly Osbourne during the first season of The Osbournes. Hungry, hungry fans filled the area in front of the stage as Kirk and I got to pretend to be real photographers and were given access to the photo pit.

It was hilarious mingling with these guys who had multiple cameras strapped around their necks, telephoto lenses bigger than most small babies. And here we were with our puny digital cameras, ones we could slip into our pockets.

I have to admit that while I wasn’t familiar with The Used’s music and wrote them off as another crappy Warped Tour band, they actually sounded pretty good – good enough that I’ll probably try to find their new one (due out this summer) in a used bin this coming fall. Yeah … that good.

Knowing that this was the last show on the second stage and would be my only opportunity to shoot photos, I took 78 pictures. Here are a few of my favorites.

After 3 songs we were kicked out of the photo pit and thrust back into the predominantly male crowd. Kirk mentioned a few times how Rock on the Range appeared to be a sausage fest and I’d agree – not a lot of lovely ladies, maybe they couldn’t get time off from the strip clubs (though the Columbus Gold shuttle bus was parked near the front entrance on the INSIDE of the fence).

At a festival like this, you don’t expect to run into people you know but in the lower concourse I heard my name being shouted out and turned to find message board member Trixie and her man in search of funnel cakes. Trixie’s man knows somebody who knows somebody who knows somebody that passed along some free tix to the fest and Trixie ran into one of the festival organizers and scored a VIP wristband which undoubtedly earned the couple all sorts of wonderful amenities the rest of us could only fantasize about (said with a healthy dose of sarcasm).

Kirk and I made our way into the enormo-bowl where Avenged Sevenfold had just kicked off their set and we talked about the perks and downfalls of writing about music. Get free tix to a festival like this is a perk, that’s for sure, although it seemed a lot better when written on paper than it did actually being there. Of course, had it been a 75 degree Sunday afternoon instead of a 55 degree Sunday afternoon, my feelings might have been different but when you’re barely paying attention to a band that you don’t care about, the weather definitely is a factor and you start thinking of all the other places you could be – places that are warm and where the music is better – and you start thinking of covering a festival like this as a job. I had only been there 2 hours but I could see signs of fatigue in Kirk’s face – he wanted to honor his commitment to Donewaiting and felt obligated to get the most out of the free tickets.

Avenged Sevenfold could be an interesting band and I can see why they earned the slot just before the headliner, but I wish they’d just decide whether they want to be a thrashy metal band (ala Pantera) or a sleeze rock band (ala Buckcherry) because their music was somewhere in between. They certainly look the part of early ’90s Sunset Strip but the music was heavy, at one point Kirk and I were convinced that they were covering Pantera’s “Walk” (a song they’ve been known to cover live) though it turns out it was one of their originals.

As the sun went down, Kirk downed 75% of a half-pound $6 hot dog. I should have taken a photo but I think the woman at the table with us probably would have thought we were Johnny Law and would have objected to us catching her trying to keep her eyes open. When asked what she was on, she replied “A little bit of everything.” And she paid $50 or so bucks to get in the door. Ouch.

At 9pm we found seats in the back end of the stadium to watch Motley Crue who went on, as advertised, promptly at 9:05. From this vantage point, it was hard to even distinguish the forms of bodies on the stage and for some reason rather than show the band on the big monitors on either side of the stage as Avenged Sevenfold did, Motley Crue projected animation, film clips, etc., etc. so basically, for all I know, it wasn’t even Motley Crue on stage.

The Crue is set to start the second run of Cruefest this summer and have said they’ll be playing “Dr.Feelgood” in it’s entirely on that tour to celebrate the 20th anniversary of that album’s release. For this show, however, they played a greatest hits set opening with “Kickstart My Heart.” I’d be happy to report that it quickly segued into “Wildside” but, unfortunately, it didn’t as the outro to the first song lasted nearly as long as the song itself.

I caught the Crue on their reunion tour a few years ago and expected the worst but came away feeling more than pleasantly surprised. I wish the same could be said for the Rock on the Range performance but, much as I feared, Vince Neil reverted back to old habits and sang probably 75% of the lyrics from each song, either completely missing words or holding his microphone out to the audience and asking us to sing the choruses. From the back of the stadium, you couldn’t hear the crowd down front singing so it was as if none of the songs had the familiar choruses I’ve been singing along to for years.

Four songs in and we were “treated” to an 8-minute Mick Marrs guitar solo. Really? You’ve got an hour and 25 minutes max to play (curfew was 10:30) and you flesh out the set with a lengthy guitar solo? While I was excited to hear “Shout at the Devil” and “Livewire” early in the set, Motley Crue 2009 is not the same Motley Crue as they were 20+ years ago and the songs didn’t pack the wallop they should have. Tossed somewhere in the first run of songs was “Saints of Los Angeles,” a song from the 2008 album of the same name and one of the best songs the Crue has recorded in the last 20 years. Live, it was decent and I was glad they chose to play stuff from the new CD rather than ignore it the way many bands do and just regurgitate the same set list they’ve been playing for the last decade.

Six songs into the set (I think), time for ANOTHER break. This time our boy T-Bone (aka Tommy Lee) addressed his homies and homegirls, rapping with the audience (not rapping in the literal sense though I wouldn’t have been surprised)

Ooooh … found this YouTube clip of Lee’s address to the audience.

(Make sure you listen to the song after Lee’s rap – it sounds TERRIBLE)

The rest of the band rejoined Tommy and broke into “Mutherf-ker of the Year” (another fave from the new album) but by that point, Kirk and I decided to join the other hundreds of people streaming out of the stadium and trying to beat the inevitable parking lot log jam. Though the crowd was thinning, the Crue probably still managed to play to 10,000+ fans and, truth be told, if we had floor/general admission tickets, we probably would have stuck around and enjoyed the set way more than we did.

As we walked the quarter mile to where my car was park, Kirk looked at me and said “This is the best sound I’ve heard from the stage since I got here” and I think he was right. The muddied sound we were hearing from our seats (it was like somebody forgot to take the plastic over the amps) finally was bearable. Too little, too late.

My wish for Rock on the Range 2010 – add a third day dedicated to ’80s hair metal ala the M3 Festival.

(The videos on this page were found on YouTube and were filmed by backpackdave09)

MORE DONEWAITING COVERAGE: Kirk Kline reviews both days of Rock on the Range